I’m Sick & Tired Of Women Claiming They ‘Don’t Fart In Front Of Their Boyfriends’

Okay so that headline was probably bold enough to get you to click on it and you’re probably sitting on your phone/tablet/computer rolling your eyes saying – ‘Who pissed in this girl’s coffee today?’ But, in all seriousness, I’m raging. Not raging – but, I’m bothered. I can count seventeen different times on my hands and toes how many girlfriends I have that tell me they don’t “fart” in front of their boyfriends. I’m not just talking those couples who are in the Honeymoon stage – I’m talking couples who have been together for years.

They also never use the bathroom to go number two when they’re at their boyfriend’s house. They want to maintain this mystical, magical and “beautiful” social appearance of being absolutely clean, perfect and pure – so, they keep an entire aspect of themselves locked away.

Let’s be honest here – everyone farts. Didn’t your parents ever read you the book ‘Everyone Poops‘ growing up? It’s human nature, it’s natural –it’s apart of our body’s way of maintaining health and hygiene, even if it seems gross.

Girls who claim they “don’t poop or fart” are really selling themselves short.

1. Why lie?

In retrospect, they’re liars for one – and I’m a firm believer that if you lie about one thing, you’re setting yourself up for disaster in romantic relationships. Yes, even if it’s about farting. Your man knows you’re a human – you’re not a f*cking alien – and your body operates like any other human. If you’re dating a guy who can’t “handle” the fact that his girlfriend farts, you need to find yourself a new man.

2. Now you can’t eat good food with your man.

We all know that certain foods are more likely to give us gas – i.e.: tacos and beans. So, you’re telling me you’re going to eliminate all the delicious food in the world whenever it’s date night because you might let one slip while you’re in bed watching reruns of Game of Thrones? Spare me.

Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.