Here’s How To Get Off At The Same Time As Your Partner, According To A Sexpert

When it comes to sex, most people are getting down and dirty so they can reach the grand finale–the standing O. Couples, no matter how in love they are and how long they’ve been together, don’t just have sex to “have sex.” According to studies, over 70% of couples engage in intercourse so they can orgasm but, know that the orgasm gap is very real. According to a study conducted by Lovehoney, 75 percent of men say they orgasm almost every single time they have sex in comparison to only 28 percent of women.

Essentially, when one person finishes first, they often times feel unmotivated to continue at the same speed or with the same effort (selfish f**kers). Let’s face it, we’re all exhausted and drained after we get off, and it’s pretty common to not have the same energy to finish our partner as we did prior to our orgasm. The goal? How can we time our orgasms right so we can get off at the same time to prevent anyone from developing blue balls/swollen clits? Lucky for us (and you), sex therapists and experts have weighed in on how to help couples reach an orgasm at the very same time.

Psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, Kristie Overstreet, spoke to Bustle about ways to ensure couples can try their best and reach that peak moment where they collapse onto each other and feel euphoria at the same damn time.

Be open with each other.

Communication is important in all sexual encounters, but it’s important to let each other know where you’re at during your intercourse when you’re trying to get off together. Maybe your partner is “almost there” but you’re not even close–time to slow it down. Or, maybe you’re almost there and your partner is, too, so you can keep the pace (or speed it up). Either way, communicating with each other is vital.

Speak up or forever hold in your O.

If you’re not into something that’s happening, speak up. Tell your partner that the position isn’t doing it for you and you want to try a different one–even if they seem to be enjoying it. Yes, you want to make your partner get off, but you also want to get off. Being selfish sometimes is okay when it’s benefiting you both.

Don’t worry about time.

Just because you may not get off at the exact second/minute your partner does, doesn’t mean it’s a failed endeavor. Overstreet says a few minutes is ideal in terms of “orgasming together.” It’s insanely rare you will have the exact same orgasm moment at the exact same time–life is not like the movies.

Additionally, don’t put pressure no each other to “finish quickly.” It may take a bit longer than you expect, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Know your partner’s kinks.

Like anytime you’re having sex with your partner, knowing what they like is key. Overstreet states:

“If you know exactly how to turn your partner on and they know the same for you then it’s makes reaching orgasm together much easier.”

If you feel as though you’re close, but your partner isn’t–throw down one of the tricks they like to help them reach that special spot. You know your partner better than anyone else when it comes to the bedroom (or, at least you should), so use that knowledge.

Keep it low pressure.

The more pressure you put on each other to orgasm, the less likely it is to happen. People don’t always thrive under pressure, and sometimes, the stress can make it impossible to cum. You want to create an environment that’s stress-free and relaxed–you’re trying to please each other, not hurt each other.

If you don’t get it the first time, you get to try again, and again, and again–and, who doesn’t want to have tons more sex, anyway? Sex shouldn’t be “work” or a “job,” it should be an intimate experience for you both–so, make sure it feels that way.

 

Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.